Where did summer go? Plus ramblings on anniversaries and an exciting week ahead!

Like every year, summer's end is in sight, Back To School sales are in full-force, and nobody knows where the time went. Haha. I must admit that I caught myself several times last week saying things like "Wow, how is it already mid-August?! It seems like summer just started!" And I'm not even a teacher or a student, so it makes no difference to me. In fact, I'm kind of excited b/c the end of summer means that my favorite season is on its way!!!! Yay Autumn!!! Football games, tailgating, hoodies, pumpkin spice lattes, pretty leaves, great running weather (although time will tell how much I will be able to take advantage of that)...Also on the exciting list for this Fall is a road trip to a friend's wedding in Alabama, and my cousin and her husband are having a baby boy in October! So much to look forward to in the Fall! But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. It is still August after-all, and there's plenty to be excited about this week alone!

Two great friends celebrated their first wedding anniversary today...I was so happy to be a bridesmaid in their beautiful wedding a year ago. But that wonderful memory also brings to mind a very sad day, as well. I know we're not supposed to dwell on the past, but I tend to remember life events and certain conversations quite vividly, almost like they just happened yesterday even if they actually happened years ago. While anniversaries are supposed to commemorate positive life events, I don't think I'm alone when I say that I also tend to associate certain dates with very painful memories, as well. Thinking about tomorrow's date inevitably reminds me of one year ago when I returned from my friends' wedding and went to visit Dad in the hospital. It was early afternoon when the doctor came in and broke the devastating news about the terminal cancer they had found, which before that moment had just been a possibility, but not one that my optimistic outlook would let me take seriously until it started sinking in at that very moment. And thus began the emotional rollercoaster of the next 5 months and beyond. I'm learning that it's true what people say about the grieving process getting somewhat better with time though. I mean, it still hurts a ton and we will always miss Dad so very much, and there will always be a void that nobody else can fill. But recently there have been less nights of crying (tonight not included since this post has the waterworks going again, but sharing my thoughts and feelings always makes me feel better in the end so it's a good thing. And thanks for reading btw..it's always nice to know that you guys take the time to read my ramblings), and I find it easier to think fond memories of him and smile instead of dwelling on the sadness factor. At least I should be busy at work tomorrow, which means less time to think too much about it until after work. It's interesting how dates on a calendar can forever be associated with different memories for different people...there's another tough one coming up for me at the end of this month as well, but at least the past year has helped heal that one to some extent.

Okay, that's enough of me being a Debbie Downer for one night! Sheesh, y'all are going to stop reading my blog for fear that every post is going to be sad! So sorry! I will do my best to remedy that and balance it out with more happy and upbeat posts! :)  So, back to the exciting things about this week! Today I tried out two new churches here in Richmond: Redemption Hill and City Church. I enjoyed both services and am especially excited about the fact that City Church meets at 4 pm, which was admittedly a turn-off for me at first. Having been born and bred going to church on Sunday mornings for all of my life, the concept of going to church in the late afternoon kind of blew my mind, but then I realized that it will work out perfectly for football season so I can go back to the Valley for JMU games, attend the caffeinated service at my beloved HBC, have lunch with the fam, and then head back to RVA just in time for the 4 pm service. Yay! Of course, I intend to keep trying out both churches for several weeks, since you can't really make a decision like that after only attending one service. Nonetheless, I'm excited about potentially finding a church that's the right fit for me, as well as opportunities to serve the community that I've been looking for since I moved down here. Prayers that I will find the church where God can best use me (and for me to know which one that is) would be greatly appreciated! :)


Continuing on with the positives of this week, we're having a YPG reunion dinner this Tuesday night! I can't wait to see everyone and catch up! We're also going to be making plans to get our YPG alumni weekly small group underway! Yessssss!!!!!!


Next, I had my first follow-up appointment for my fractured foot last week and my doc said the x-rays show that it's healing nicely and I can stop wearing the air cast starting this Thursday!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!! I (naturally) asked him about the timeline for running again and he said we could discuss it at my next appointment in 3 weeks, but it's a definite no-go until then....ahhh I'm so impatient to get back out there and start running again! But on the upside, he said that I can wear heels for the wedding that I'm in this coming weekend as long as I'm not on my feet too long and they don't cause me any pain or discomfort. Which brings me to another super exciting event....one of my childhood best friends is getting married this weekend! I can't wait! And praise the good Lord that I won't have to rock out my stylish air cast during the ceremony....it doesn't exactly match my bridesmaid dress. Haha :P  But seriously, it's going to be a beautiful day and I'm so happy to be a part of it.


Finally, I bought and started reading "The Help" today. I keep hearing so many great reviews about the book and the movie, but my rule tends to be that I have to read the book before seeing the movie, so I want to buckle down and make time to read it so I can catch the movie before it goes out of theatres. I'm only 22 pages in so far though, so I should probably get off the computer and read!


Okay, I think that's enough for now. It's going to be a crazy busy week, but it should be the good kind of crazy busy, which is my favorite kind :)  With that, I am going to say good night, thanks for reading, and I'll leave you with this uplifting song from The Afters:

On feet and fashion statements...

I've been slacking at updating this thing recently, but since my current circumstances have subjected me to a lot of couch sitting and foot propping, it seemed like the opportune time for a new post. Guess I might as well start with that, haha...

After a busy, but fun weekend in the River City with my bro and some friends, Sunday evening rolled around and the weather just happened to be quite lovely. So, naturally I decided that a long run was in order (I'm sure you're all shocked by this decision, haha :P). I headed out, excited to finally be at the point where I could run sans knee brace since my knee issues had pretty much disappeared after 2.5 months of running in my Five Fingers. Things were going well and I was feeling pretty good about my pace for the first several miles. Then, approximately 5-6 miles in, my right foot started bothering me. Being the stubborn & naive person that I am, I simply shrugged this off as a minor issue, reminded myself of the all important slogan "No pain, no gain" and kept pushing onward. By mile 8, my pace had slowed considerably, but I still had several miles left to get back home anyway, so I figured they would go by faster if I was jogging rather than walking and kept going. Finally, somewhere around mile 10, my foot struck the ground, I felt something crack, and needless to say, I had no choice but to stop jogging. I managed to hobble a few blocks to the local theater, where the ticket lady was kind enough to give me a bag of ice for my foot. However, I was still nearly 3 miles away from my apartment, it was going to start getting dark soon, and there was no feasible way for me to limp all the way home.

Luckily, a passerby stopped and asked if he could help in any way. I asked to borrow his phone to call someone to pick me up, but in this age of having every contact programmed into your phone, the only numbers I have memorized are my Mom's and Jon's...and they both live 2 hours away. So, my poor brother received a panicky, teary-eyed call from his little sis, briefly explaining the situation and asking him to call all of our mutual Richmond friends to see if someone could come pick me up. As luck would have it, everyone he called was apparently busy and nobody answered their phones. LOL. So, I sat on the sidewalk for a good 20 minutes, wondering what I should do. Then, a car drove up and stopped at the intersection. The couple inside looked over at me, asked if I was okay, and offered to give me a ride. I hesitated....Just like everyone else, my parents taught me never to accept rides from strangers. "Oh, well, I think someone might be on their way to pick me up, so I wouldn't want to miss them, but thanks so much for the offer!" To which the lady riding shotgun replied "Well how do you know someone is coming?" Me: "Well, my brother called some of his friends, so I'm sure one of them will come."  Lady in car: "But what if they don't? Please get in the car." She had a good point. And desperate times call for desperate measures, right? So, I hobbled over, got in the car, and prayed that I wasn't going to be kidnapped and held hostage in someone's basement. Hahaha. Obviously, they turned out to be good people and I am grateful that they got me home safely. After retrieving my cell and calling my bro back to let him know that I had made it back safely, I debated whether my foot injury was worth braving an evening in the ER.

Around 11:30, my wonderful friend Jess accompanied me to the ER, where we proceeded to wait, and wait, and wait some more. A total of 3 hours actually. You know you have a true friend when they're willing to wait in the ER with you until 2:30 a.m. on a work night! Anyway, after looking at my x-rays, the doc determined that nothing was broken, diagnosed me with a "deep bruise," and sent me home with an ace bandage and orders not to run again until it felt better (ya think? LOL).

The next morning, I got a call from the radiologist, informing me that he had further examined the x-rays when he came in and discovered a crack in the second long bone of my foot. So after hobbling around for the past couple days, I went to my orthopedic doctor this afternoon and he put me in a very stylish boot (I wish! Haha :P)

Not sure how long I'm going to be hobbling around in this, but obviously my half-marathon training has been halted yet again :/  I'm also a bridesmaid in a close friend's wedding in August, so it must heal before then, or else I'm going to have to suck it up and find a way to walk around without this thing. But on a deeper level, maybe this was God's way of trying to teach me patience again. Not to mention the fact that since my Needle's Eye small group ended, I notice myself slipping slowly backward. Don't get me wrong, I'm still in a much better place in my walk than I was before Needle's Eye, but I need to find another group of young, Christian professionals to get connected with and make sure that I keep growing and moving forward, not backward.

Okay, on that note, I'm signing off to go watch "The Adjustment Bureau," which a friend loaned me to help keep me entertained while I'm kicking back on the couch, which is not something I'm accustomed to, by the way. Hopefully I'll be inspired to write about something more exciting than a fractured foot next time. LOL.

Have a great evening, y'all! :)

Just What I Needed :)

Ah, what a refreshing (not to mention absolutely gorgeous!) weekend this has been! Friday evening was pretty low-key...I came home after work and just relaxed for the most part, with the exception of going for a 5.4 mile run around the Fan in my Five Fingers. That was the farthest I had run in them up to that point, and guess what? No knee issues when I finished the run! Woo-hoo! :)

On Saturday morning, I hopped on 64-E and headed to Williamsburg to meet up with one of my very good friends from college. W-burg is the halfway point between us, so it was the perfect place to meet for a fun-filled afternoon together! We started by catching up over lunch at Second Street Bistro. We were seated in a booth next to a wall of large windows overlooking the restaurant's patio, which was perfect for enjoying the outside view while basking in the coolness of the indoor AC. Haha. I ordered the Portifino Salad with sweet vidalia onion vinaigrette on the side...absolutely delish! It legitimately ranks as one of the top 3 tastiest salads I've ever had! The restaurant provided the perfect setting for a casual lunch, but there was also a very distinct classy/contemporary ambiance that would make for an awesome date spot (just thought I would throw that out there in case any of you are planning to visit W-burg with your significant other anytime soon). Anyway, I will definitely be back! I bet the patio is just lovely in the evening!

So, after enjoying a pleasant lunch, Leanna and I headed to the Williamsburg Premium Outlets to get our shopping on! We had tons of fun browsing through the stores, trying on clothes, and laughing at things we could never see ourselves wearing. I was excited to find some cute things at Banana Republic (one of my fave stores) and Ann Taylor...which reminds me of a conversation we had when walking past Aeropostale about how a large section of both of our wardrobes in high school came from Aero, and then while shopping in Gap we reminisced over how nice it was in college to just throw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie for class every day, and now that we're young professionals we have to sport business clothes for work and thus have all of these hoodies and casual clothes that we can essentially only wear on weekends. LOL.

We pretty much shopped til we dropped (or at least until we covered all of the stores on our radar screen) and then parted ways with the promise that we wouldn't let as much time go by before getting together again. It's depressing how the real world can do that to you...you get so busy sometimes that trying to coordinate plans across different cities can be a challenge, unlike college when we could meet up for coffee/lunch/etc. on a regular basis.

Anyway, after leaving the outlets, I headed over to New Town to meet a few friends for dinner on the patio at the Green Leafe. The weather was just perfect for patio sitting, so we hung out for a couple of hours before I finally decided to head back to RVA.

Today was also pretty laid back...went to the 9:30 service at church this morning, followed by Sunday school class where a Messianic Jewish rabbi taught on Abraham. Pretty insightful stuff. Tonight, I decided another run was in order to test out my knee again. I ended up exceeding Friday's record and finished 9.3 miles...again, with no knee pain! Praise God! I am so thrilled! :)  Hopefully this means I'll be able to get back into some sort of routine to train for the half-marathon. Less than 5 months left to add 4 miles to today's distance!

I'm thankful for the blessing of such a wonderful weekend, and I hope that all of you reading this had an equally enjoyable one! With July 4th weekend right around the corner, and plane tickets purchased to visit my dear friend Kelly in Atlanta the weekend after that, there's lots of fun stuff to look forward to! :)

And because I have been on a serious OneRepublic kick lately, I figured it would be appropriate to post this music video...Good Life is one of those songs that I very much enjoy jamming out to when I'm driving in Sunny II. I soooo need to see them in concert if they come to Virginia anytime soon! (Oh, and did I mention the fact that at least 2 of the band members are Christians? Just another reason to like them in addition to their obvious musical talents :)

And on that high note, have a fabulous week, y'all! :)

Relay For Life, 5 Year HS Reunion, and Father's Day 2011...

It was another jam packed weekend, which began on Friday evening with the 2 hour drive home to PC, then Mom and I headed to my former high school (which is now a middle school....weird) to join my bro and his co-workers for the annual Relay For Life. It was great running into old friends, eating some yummy food, including grilled veggies (courtesy of my bro...I was super impressed that he actually grilled up some veggies in addition to his typical stockpile of meat! lol), walking some laps, and socializing in general. Then, once it started getting dark, luminaries were lit, someone sang "You Raise Me Up," and a bagpiper played "Amazing Grace" while he walked a lap around the track. It didn't take long for the tears to start flowing as memories of Dad filled my head. Luckily, I pulled myself together after we walked the silent lap around the track, but it was definitely an emotional night. Despite the sadness that it evoked, being a part of Relay was really a powerful thing. Seeing so many people joining together to honor their loved ones while raising funds to fight cancer was awesome!

The next evening was my five year high school reunion! It's so weird to think about the fact that my classmates and I graduated from high school five years ago! Shew, where does the time go? It was nice catching up with my best friend and her husband, as well as all of my other high school friends who attended. It will be interesting to see how everyone has changed by the time our ten year rolls around!

Then, there was today...Father's Day. Not surprisingly, since January I had not been looking forward to today at all,....plus tomorrow will be 5 months since Dad left us. I realized over the past few weeks that Father's Day isn't just a day that you have to prepare for, but more like a season. For the past month or so, every time I walked into Target (I usually go there about once a week), it was impossible not to walk past the Father's Day greeting card aisle and be reminded of the fact that for the first time, Jon and I wouldn't be able to send a card or gift to Dad for this holiday. That was one of those things that I always took for granted until this year....something as simple as a card, ya know? Then, of course, there were the abounding radio commercials every morning as I was getting ready for work or driving in Sunny II (thankfully I don't watch TV enough to have seen too many commercials on there). Now please don't get me wrong, I think Father's Day and Mother's Day are wonderful holidays to celebrate, it's just that I never realized until this year how difficult such holidays can be for those who have lost special people in their lives.

Luckily, today was far better than I imagined it would be though. Getting to spend most of the day with Mom and Jon was definitely a blessing and I am incredibly grateful for the time that we were able to spend together. I wasn't looking forward to the 2 hour drive back to RVA, but my playlist of Josh Groban, OneRepublic, and Parachute helped me to chill out and also offered a good soundtrack for thinking and reflection. After anticipating a tough evening alone with just my thoughts, I got a text from a close friend asking if he could take me out for some Sweet FROG as a pick-me-up. That was certainly a welcome change in plans that I accepted without hesitation. Long after we had devoured the tasty fro-yo, we ended up spending several hours just sitting and talking, and before we knew it, they were closing the place down! So, all in all, Father's Day 2011 was difficult, but also far better than I could have expected. I know that's because God was at work in providing comfort to us today, as He has been throughout the entire grieving process up to this point, and it's even more comforting to know that He has blessed our lives with the most amazing family and friends to love and support each other during times like these. Many heartfelt thanks to each one of you out there who may be reading this, and please know that I am always here and eager to return the favor whenever you need someone to talk to or lean on. Love you guys!

Running, Healing, and the Power of Prayer :)

First, I just want to say thank you SO much to everyone who prayed for healing for my knee! I finished the 7.4 miles on Friday, alongside some of Richmond's finest law enforcement officers, with barely any noticeable knee pain (The heat index, however, was a whole different story! lol). Later that afternoon, the typical pain, stiffness, and limping set in, but even that wasn't as bad as usual. After icing it off and on on Friday and Saturday, I woke up this morning and it felt completely fine! This evening, I was even able to go for a 2.6 mile run in my FiveFingers KomodoSports!!!

I bought these like 3 weeks ago, but my knee issues limited me to just walking in them, along with an attempted short run earlier last week, so I was super excited to be able to actually do a decent run in them today! Nearly 6 hours later, my knee still feels fine! Praise God! On the other hand, my calves are burning something awful, but that's a good sign that the FiveFingers are doing what they are intended to do and altering my running form for the better.

I suppose I will still go to my orthopedic appointment on Wednesday just to make sure that everything's as it should be, but maybe that cortisone shot just needed extra time and rest to become effective or something. Either way, hopefully the doctor's report on Wed will be a good one, and then my half-marathon training can commence once again!!!! :)

Since the power of prayer clearly fixed my knee, I'd like to ask you all to please pray for continued healing of Mom's arm so that it will be strengthened and made like new so she can get back to a normal lifestyle of being able to use both arms again.  Also, please pray for God to perform a miracle for my friend Andrea, who has been battling cancer for 5 years now and has been going through an especially rough time lately. Finally, another lovely friend of mine has a job interview on Wednesday, so it would be awesome if you could please also pray for her to knock the socks off of the interviewers (which I know she will do) and be offered the position.

Before I sign off to get some sleep to make up for staying out late last night, and in anticipation of a busy week at work, I wanted to share a song with you that I heard on the radio as I was driving home from church earlier today...It put me in a good mood and I hope that it will do the same thing for you :)

Have a wonderfully blessed week, y'all!

"Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life..."

As you can probably guess from the title of this post (which was obviously inspired by the well-known lyrics by The Verve), I'm in one of my thinking moods again...though not in the grieving/sad/super emotional type of mood that I was in when I posted around this time last Tuesday evening. Tonight was the last night of the Young Professionals Group that has created such a positive impact on my life over the past 7 weeks. I have been so incredibly blessed to be a part of this group, and I am pretty bummed out that it had to come to an end, but alas, there are other young professionals whose lives need to be touched by our wise and gifted leaders, so it wouldn't be fair to keep them to ourselves. Now, I'll need to find some other meaningful activity to fill the void in my Tuesday evening schedule, but I'm trying not to let myself get too down about it, because I am beyond thrilled for the amazing growth that we've all experienced together and for the new friendships that I am certain will continue to blossom and grow deeper long after tonight's "see you soon!"s have faded away. At this "transitional" stage (I think that's a pretty fitting word), it is such a relief to feel like my life is finally getting back on track, and there's this refreshing sense of spiritual rejuvenation that has come over me during these past few weeks together. Don't get me wrong, I still have lots more to sort out and I will always have plenty of room for improvement, but I'm getting to a good place where I haven't been for a while, and being able to say that with complete confidence is an awesome feeling. :)

Here are just a few of the many take-aways that really resonated with me over the past 7 weeks:

• We are all "sons and daughters of the Most High God" (and what could possibly be better than that?!)
• What we do is far less important than who we are.
• If you let your dreams become idols, God will ask you to give them up
• "If Christ is really the center of my life, where I am in 5 years is none of my business" -Phil Vischer, creator of Veggie Tales (and for the girl who thought she had her future career planned out when she was in 5th grade, this concept was extremely thought-provoking!)
• Maximum confrontation + maximum care = maximum growth
• "Don't settle for crumbs when you've been invited to the banquet table!"
• Be intentional!!!

In preparation for wrapping up our group, last week we were asked to write down 5 affirming qualities about each of our fellow group members. Near the end of tonight's session, we were each given an envelope that contained the compiled list of what everyone wrote down about us. Reading that list was incredibly touching, and it is something that I will treasure forever (and I fully intend to keep it handy for those occasional bad days when an ego boost is needed, haha).

Now for my new assignment to myself going forward:
1. Be sure to nurture these friendships and don't take them for granted
2. Find another co-ed small group to keep sustaining me through the improvements that God is making in my life and ensure that I don't backslide

And please keep praying for God to grant me wisdom (I could never get too much of that! haha). I made a promise a couple months ago that I would run in the VA Law Enforcement Torch Run for Special Olympics this Friday...Of course, the stubborn runner part of me really, really wants to follow through with my promise  (I already have the team t-shirt and submitted my leave request and everything!). But in light of my knee issue that hasn't really improved despite several weeks of rest, everyone close to me that I've discussed this with has advised against it. I did finally submit an online request to schedule an appt. with my orthopaedic doctor, so assuming they can fit me in before Friday, I guess I may have a professional opinion as to whether I should run or not...but in the event that they can't fit me in until after the race, that leaves the decision totally in my hands...and my inclination up to this point has been to run the race to the finish, even if I have to limp across the finish line, and then I'll already have an appointment set up to get it checked out. I mean heck, if my meniscus is already torn, is one more run really going to affect it? Okay, so that idea doesn't sound quite as rational in writing as it does in my head, but nonetheless, I could probably use some prayers for God to take away my stubbornness, too. :)

But let's face it, in the overall scheme of things, my knee issues are minuscule and I almost feel guilty for writing about such a meaningless topic when others out there are fighting cancer, mourning the loss of loved ones, and facing a plethora of way more important and life-changing events, so please take my selfish ramblings with a grain of salt.

Oh, and I almost forgot....June 3rd was exactly one year since my surgery for my detached retina. It's hard to believe that an entire year has passed since that whole scare, but praise God for positive checkups and visual stability since then! Just one of many abundant blessings to be thankful for! :)

Okay, I've been falling back into my late-night college habits lately (except I didn't usually have to wake up at 6:40 a.m. in college), so I should probably attempt to remedy that tonight and head to bed before 1:00 (which means that I have 14 minutes left to procrastinate!). Thanks for reading and have a wonderful night, y'all!!!!

Wisdom, Grief, and Bacon Sundaes...

Well, I just got home from small group, and as usual, our discussions put me in a super contemplative mood, and since putting my thoughts into words helps me to process them better, I figured this would be a good opportunity for a new blog post while I'm motivated to write. My mind is kind of all over the place right now, so please bear with me as I have a feeling that I'm going to be jumping around between topics even more than usual.

Let's see....Memorial Day weekend seems like an excellent place to start, so here it goes...

Our office had a shortened work day on Friday due to the holiday weekend, so we used the opportunity to finally carry out the terms of a charity fundraising competition wherein my boss was collecting donations for me, the office vegetarian, to eat a bacon sundae. The opposing faction collected donations to "Save Juliana and the Ice Cream, Too" under the premise that if they raised more money than my boss, I wouldn't have to eat the bacon concoction, but he would have to eat a soy dog instead. It became quite a heated (but friendly) competition, and ultimately the Save Juliana fund came out on top. So, on Friday, my boss ate the soy dog, as he promised he would, but my co-workers really wanted to see me taste a bacon sundae, and since everyone's efforts raised quite a lot more for charity than originally anticipated, I decided to be a good sport about it and agreed to take a couple of bites for their entertainment. The video clip below is evidence that this actually happened...watch it for a good laugh, as I can assure you that this will never happen again! :P

After this fun event, I finished up some work and then hit the road and headed home to spend the extended weekend in the Valley. I very much enjoyed spending some quality time with my mom, hanging out with some good friends who I don't get to see very often, and concocting some new culinary experiments in Mom's kitchen. The weekend provided a perfect balance of fun along with some much needed relaxation.

On Sunday morning, Mom and I went to the caffeinated service at HBC (my church home during college, which I wish I could have brought to Richmond with me, but since that was unfortunately out of the question, I always go back to visit anytime I'm in the area). The praise band (which I was a part of for several years and miss dearly) sounded awesome and led us in some of my favorite praise & worship songs...the kind with music and lyrics that really prepare your heart and mind for worship. During the video that played after the praise set, I started leafing through the bulletin and the topic of Pastor Jack's sermon quickly caught my attention....Facing Death With Hope. Jack's sermons always interest me, but I was especially intrigued by where he was going to go with this topic.

Now keep in mind, I don't believe in coincidence. So, it was (in my opinion) no coincidence that Jack ended up speaking about grief...which is exactly what I've been needing to hear for a while now. Several things he pointed out in his sermon were especially comforting to me. He said that as Christians, we should not grieve as those without hope, but instead "We want to be like Jesus, so why not grieve like Jesus?" Then he told the story of Jesus and how he reacted to the death of Lazarus. His reaction is summed up in John 11:35, the shortest verse in the Bible (KJV), which simply says: Jesus wept. Jesus loved Lazarus and was overcome with sadness at his friend's death, just like we experience an overwhelming sadness when we lose a loved one. Then, Jack offered more comforting words: "Sadness is normal to the Christian when he or she is grieving the loss of someone...Jesus didn't hold back his emotion and neither should we."

Over these past 4 1/2 months, I've been trying to figure out how to deal with this thing called grief. For a while, I just tried to keep myself insanely busy so I didn't have to deal with it, trying to pretend that I was stronger than I am, and thinking that maybe if I just kept ignoring the emotions that were raging deep inside of me, they would just go away and I wouldn't have to face them, but that ultimately resulted in many late night breakdowns, alone in my bedroom while tightly clutching my favorite stuffed animal. These breakdowns just made me feel even worse, because then I felt guilty for wallowing in self-pity and for being so selfishly sad when I know that Dad is in Heaven, finally free from all suffering and pain....

One of my friends from small group suggested that I should read C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed, as he thought that would be beneficial to me. He let me borrow his copy and I started reading it, but have since gotten sidetracked and need to get back to it. But, to make a long story short, Pastor Jack's sermon on Sunday couldn't have been more appropriately timed, and it has really given me a new perspective on the grieving process and the fact that I don't need to feel guilty for being sad. I find great comfort each time I am reminded of the most important takeaway from Jack's sermon: "We grieve not as those without hope, but with hope."  Now I understand that it's okay for us to be sad, and even angry, as long as we have hope and faith that we will be reunited in Heaven someday.

So, now that I've probably made you all worry about my emotional stability (I promise I'm okay....just "In Repair" as I like to think of it, based on one of my favorite John Mayer songs), I'm going to totally switch gears and jump to the topic of wisdom...In every spiritual gifts survey that I've taken over the past several years, wisdom/knowledge is usually pretty low on the totem pole. In fact, I scored so low in this category during one of our various leadership retreats during college that my verbal reaction "Yeah, I'm not so much with the knowledge," became a funny slogan that I would use as an excuse anytime I had a blonde moment (which happens to me more often than you might think! LOL). Ironically enough, for the past two weeks, my small group has been praying for God to give me wisdom. We're not talking about book sense here, but rather practical wisdom to replace my stubborn, sometimes bone-headed, rationale that I use to make decisions. Most recently, this relates to my decision to ignore my knee issues (i.e. when I do things like run 8.5 miles even though my knee is bothering me). Apparently, those prayers were pretty effective last week, since I took the entire week off from running in order to give my knee some time to feel better and rest. However, strangely enough, it started bugging me again, out of the blue over the weekend, and was especially bothersome yesterday and today. Considering that I haven't run for over a week, this baffles me. But alas, I keep postponing scheduling another appointment with my orthopedic specialist, because a. I keep thinking about other things that $40 co-pay from each visit could be going toward instead of a doctor's appointment, and b. I'm worried he will tell me that I'm not allowed to run in the Torch Run next Friday...yet again, my stubbornness to do what I want to do is getting in the way of my practical wisdom in the matter. So, extra prayers for my knee issues, and for wisdom not to strain them anymore would be greatly appreciated! Many thanks! :)

Okay, it's 2:00 am, and I'm not in college anymore....6:40 is going to come early, so it's time for bed.

Night y'all!